You jokes

Orphan

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Dark Humor

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

Porn

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

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  • Nude

    When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...

    Suicide

    I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

    Orphanage

    When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

    Jimmy

    If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

    10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

    Politician

    What do a politician and a minister have in common?

    Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

    Suicide

    A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."

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  • Mom

    Me: Mom, I'm tired.

    Mom: "Then go to sleep."

    Me: No, you don't understand-

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  • Wheelchair

    To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

    Poison

    Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

    “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

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