You jokes

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

Would you like to try African food?

They would too.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.

When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?

you flip it over.

Like if you think I'm stupid.

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?

Who else would think of adding gas?

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”