You jokes
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
Also me on the car ride home:
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
When you name yourself Twin Towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
"Twin Towers" is on fire🔥
"Terrorist" is on a streak of 2.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”