Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
When you name yourself Twin Towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
"Twin Towers" is on fire🔥
"Terrorist" is on a streak of 2.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
Like if you know someone is emo.
