You jokes
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
Also me on the car ride home:
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
When you name yourself Twin Towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
"Twin Towers" is on fire🔥
"Terrorist" is on a streak of 2.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"