You jokes
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
Knock knock. Who's there? You... You who? You smell like shit!
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Memes
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
Bully: You are a piece of shit.
Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?
A sad news story.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
Superman has been called to a huge house fire.
Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"
Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"
Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."
You guys are idiots!
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
I'm supposed to put a joke here.
But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?
I'm sure you'll laugh.
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂