You jokes
"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"
"No, it's 26."
"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."
"You're missing one more."
"I'll give you the D later."
"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
Wanna hear a paper joke? You know what, probably not because it’s TEAR-able! :/
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
Me: What are you?
Jake: A muddeasso.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.