You jokes
"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"
"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.
TAOST, you didn't submit it, you fuck!
Memes
Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?
When he is dead.
I made a website for orphans. You know what I did not add? A home page.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
Raju: How about you, Sunil?
Do you know?
Sanju: Sunil is my long distance
is a brother.
Raju: Long brother?
Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.
The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.
What do you call the fighters with an extra chromosome?
Downy unstopables.
What do you call a Mexican with an m3?
A greaser.
I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!