You jokes

You (DYM 23).

Do you know how to make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

Hi guys, I am starting a Gwen funny club. If you wanna join, then just type so here. Hope you have fun!

Oh, and also can be a Gwen name club for Gwens only!

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!

You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.

Are you lightning?

Because you're McQueen.

It's ice to see you.

I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.

I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.

Wanna hear a paper joke? You know what, probably not because it’s TEAR-able! :/

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?

Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.

What do you read on Halloween?

"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

"No, it's 26."

"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

"You're missing one more."

"I'll give you the D later."

"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

Do you love water?

Then you love 75% of me.

Me: What are you?

Jake: A muddeasso.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now he's a bronze fish.