You jokes

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?

Ground beef.

What do you call a sleeping cow?

Ground beef.

What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

You may have a footlong, but I have a SHENLONG. :)

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in 'em!

What shouldn't you ask an emo?

"Do a wrist reveal."

What did the cupcake tell its frosting?

I’d be muffin without you.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?