Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
You Jokes
I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
What is the difference between Hilary Duff and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!
Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?
Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!
Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!
Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???
Me: Yea
Did you know that if you go into an orphanage and tell them a "yo mama" joke, they won’t get it?
What do you call a fucked up mullet? A fullet.
Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!
"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."
Love y'all so much!
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."
"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
Die you potato.
I baked you a pie.
Oh boy, which flavor?
Pie Pie Pie Pie.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi hungry, I'm dad.
Why did you name this way?
Why Why Why?