You jokes

You guys know BeReal?

BeReal? More like cereal.

Get it? BeReal = cereal.

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

What do you do when you're sad?

Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.

What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌

What do you call a door? A floor.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.

Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?

It was nut funny.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.

What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?

A walnut.

What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?

A chess-nut.

You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.

You pecan do it!

Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"