You jokes
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
When you realize the shuttle blew up.
Then you realize you're on the shuttle.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...