You jokes
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What did the bank say to the person?
Bank you very much.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.