You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue.
YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
What do you call someone who is extra virgin?
Mrs. Frame.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.