You jokes

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"

I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."

Bootylicious lol

Me: You know your parents were very good people.

Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.

Me: I know, you're an orphan.

I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

IBC.

IBC who?

I'll be seeing you later.

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?

Ask an orphan.

A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?

A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalottapuss.