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Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

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    • What's the difference between babies and onions?

    You don't cry cutting up babies.

    Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

    Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

    This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

    If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

    When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

    The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

    What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.

    JK, dark humor.