You jokes

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

One like = more from me to you. 👊

Just buy KFC. I will give you 40000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999o999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"

How do you get a baby in a box? With a blender.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

What do you call a disabled Chinese person?

Sum Ting Wong.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?

Neither does he.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?

Naked and Afraid.

A funny joke:

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"

"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.