You jokes
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
Why did you say hi?
Because you wanted to.
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.