You jokes
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?
A foreign exchange student.
What is the worst joke ever? It's you.
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
The Virgin Mobile.
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Wanna see a mistake go on camera and take a pic of you?
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
What do you say to a black midget?
Wanna a shower? You look like you got splashed by a muddy puddle.
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
What do you call an autistic army special forces?