You jokes
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.