You jokes
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
What did the tower say to the other one?
I will see you later; I am about to get hit.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.