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What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

Hey, you wanna hear something funny?

An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...

It's too hard.

Two boys are talking on the bus.

Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?

Boy 1: Oh, that's right.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

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    • Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

    Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

    Years later:

    Dad still did not come back.

    What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

    A quack head!

    My mom must be a duck then...