What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
You Jokes
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.