You jokes
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."
You are so small that you play hockey against the curb!
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
You suck.