What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
You Jokes
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
You wanna hear a joke? It's YOU.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten-tickles.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?
That's okay. There is really no point to it.
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
'Cause she will let it go.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.