You jokes

The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.

The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.

The French salute starts with your hands in the air.

The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

Why do ducks have feathers?

So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.

Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?

"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"

Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.

Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You give it a little boogie.

How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.