You jokes

Did you hear about the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well, the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."

😂😂😂😂

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?

Panda-monium!

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?

Orphan: ...

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

You watch 50 Shades of Grey, and you turn grey in bed.

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?

Catch you later!

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.

What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.

Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.

Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.

You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)