You jokes
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
What did the roti say to pratha?
You white like a white bastard.
What did the Indian person say to the lady?
"Curry up, will you?"
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.
Why are you sad?
I’m depressed. I know black people could cry.
Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!
I'd be a liar.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite!
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: I hate your hair color, though.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch!
Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
F*ck you.
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.