Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."
I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it's to cheesy.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Roses are gay, violets are also gay. If you read, you are gay.
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
