You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
Let me tell you a joke about pizza! Nevermind...
It's too cheesy
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Friend: Knock Knock. Me: Who’s there? Friend: Short. Me: Short Who? Friend: Short you! Me: 🙁 Friend:🤣
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm an orphan!
Oh... bye! :/
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?
LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?
FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!
LONELY ORPHAN: :(
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
Your joke: you.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
