Drivers License-By- watersharky Music Productions and Olivia Rodrigo- I got my driver's license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else? And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them 'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you And I know we weren't perfect But I've never felt this way for no one, oh And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing Over all the noise God, I'm so blue, know we're through But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street...
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van! It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come. We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! ̈Hey they want to party with us! ̈Timmy yelled over the whooping. ̈Party van! ̈I yelled. Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said ̈P O L I C E” on the side. We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. ̈Isn’t that right mommy? ̈
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the left over fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pome-grants. For this was the sacred mounth of ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the momment after sunset!
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
Why did the farmers wife chase the chickens out of the yard?
Cuz they were using fowl language!
" I walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me why you ask because the bug didn't know I was there."
My Dad was mowing the grass today, I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Did you know hellen Keller had a doll house in her back yard? Neither did she
how would stephen hawking get rid of the police? go to the the junk yard
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough. They continued eating for a while. This is really good! the little girl exclaimed. What's this meat! The old lady replied with: well there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping.
Once there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard then the man came back to my house and floped his penis every were and peeing at the same time and it went all over my face so the next day he came back and I got my Beebe gun and shot a medal beebee in to his peepee. this didn't actually happen
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Q: Why are the 49's called the 49's? A: Cause they can't make it past the 50 yard line.
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fart.”
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard? Reload...chhchhhh
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
