Writing jokes
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
Why can't poor people write jokes?
Because they make no cents.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?
Panera Lead.
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
A capital E backwards is just it's mirror image.