The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
