Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work? Because it was on strike.
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot, then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
im a teacher at a highschool but i got fired they told me i didnt do any work even though i always did a skele-ton
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died... His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
I have a ton of work to do... A skeleTON
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti. You should have seen her fave when I drove pasta😂😂
It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
wanna hear a construction joke. nah i'm still working on it.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while bieng at work was and i replied " being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers"
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
