Work jokes

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

IHOP.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

Are you fin-ished with your work?

We gotta work ahead, people!

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

I have a joke about construction.

I'm still working on it.

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.