Word jokes

What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?

"Restore factory settings."

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dragon.

Dragon deez nuts.

Dragon deez nuts who?

DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

Eh.

Say "Uranus" but take out the "ur."

Spell fuzz.

Okay, F-U-Z-Z, which also, it sounds like "F U Z's."

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

Orange: Hey Apple, Apple, hey Apple.

Apple: What?

Orange: Orange you glad I didn't say "Apple" again? Hahaha!

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Fard.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

The "f" in "orphan" stands for "amily." There is no "f."

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

Gwen be like: Oh, I hate akeld, he is mean.

Also Gwen: *Spams the N word and momma jokes*

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

Did you know that the "F" in orphan stands for family?