Word jokes

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"

Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?

Because they can’t see their parents.

An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."

What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?

Taxi.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

"This isn't ketchup."