I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
What types of erections do skeletons have? Boners.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."
Dick.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
