Word jokes

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

Did you know that the letter "f" in "orphan" stands for family?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Fuck.

Fuck who?

Fuck off!

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Dick.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

When a white person says the n word,

black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."

What begins with F and ends with CK?

Fuck, I mean fire truck.

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.

Orphan: My parents!

Me: You know that word?

What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile.

And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"