Word Jokes

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.

Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."

In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"

There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.

The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"

The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."

The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot!

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

No joke!

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

When a white person says the n word,

black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."

The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."