Women jokes
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.