Women jokes
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)