Women jokes

Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?

A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

They don’t deserve rights!

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels.

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.

Women suck (GET IT?!)

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?

IT JUST DOES!!!!

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously