Women jokes

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...

What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

Q: What do women and KFC have in common?

A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

Cot death.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

Which word is also called for women's prison?

"Pridaughter."

Women’s rights.

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."