Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Why Jokes
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
