Why jokes
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!