Why Jokes

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?

because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.

Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months?

He lost May.

Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.

Jake this ine for you

A slightly out-of-focus image of Elmo with the text, "When you've killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a stake when you start to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy."

Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?

Because she ran out of immortali-tea.

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?

Because he didn't have enough space.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koalafications.

A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."