Why jokes

Orphan

    • This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

    So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

    Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

    Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

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    • Chamber

    • Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?

    Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.

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    • Jesus

    • Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

    Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

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    • Nun

    • Why do nuns walk in groups?

    So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

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    • Why memes

    Man

    • A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

    The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

    The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

    The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

    So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

    The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

    The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

    "Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

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    • Emo kid

    • Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

    After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

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    • Shit

    • Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

    When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

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    • Libertarian Party

    • Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?

    Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.