Why jokes
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
Why are drums and autistic people the same?
They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.