Whos jokes

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.

Why'd the girl fall off the swing?

'Cause she had no arms.

Knock, knock!! Who's there?

Not the girl.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."

Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?

He won the no-Bell prize.

Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?

Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.

Their life is a joke.

Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?

From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

What do you call an Asian who gets a B?

It's not a B-sian.

Dead.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tank.

Tank who?

You're welcome.

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.