Whos jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?

From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.

Their life is a joke.

What do you call an Asian who gets a B?

It's not a B-sian.

Dead.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."

Wanna know who can jump the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."