Who would win jokes

If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?

Society.

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

Who would win?

The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,

Or one horny Henry?

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...

...Steve Kerr’s team.

Who would win in a race, Stephen Hawking or a turtle?

The turtle, because it can walk.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris and Time had a race.

Result: Time is still running...

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.