When jokes

What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?

A holy cow!

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.

Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.

What did Allah say when he created the universe?

-Allahu akbar!!!

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?

Kiss my ASCII!

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.