When jokes

Q: What do bloods eat when they get sick?

A: Chicken noodle suwoop.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

Your mama is so fat. When she went skydiving, it caused a global panic.

You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Joe Mama's so fat, when she goes in the elevator, she has to go down.

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

What do you call it when Panera Bread is running away?

Panera fled.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

When you are chilling in the World Trade Center, and then you suddenly get airplane WiFi.

What happens when the terminator pees?

Gasoline descent.

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.

What do you call an orphan when he's taking a photo?

Family photo.

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.

Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.