When jokes

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

What is a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.

What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"