When jokes

What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?

A cock sucker.

Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."

What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.

What is a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.

What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."