When jokes
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."