When jokes
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
When pigs went to the desert, they turned into bacon.
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.
What do you do when a baby starts to cry?
You use more lube.
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,
I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.
RIP K.
When they have a party, they're racist. When they hang out with Ys, they're mean.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.