When jokes

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

Where do you go when food dies?

A fooderal.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?

Microsoft.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.

Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!

What's hot and hard?

Me when I look at children.

What did the Pokemon lover say when he got to the shoe store?

I have to Pikashoe.

What happened when a hammer punished the nail?

He hit him.

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"

She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.

Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"